this & that

Do you ever find yourself feeling envious of other people? Not of what they have, or how they look, but of the they inside; their personalities? This is something I find myself pondering from time to time. And I should probably put up a disclaimer here and now saying that I like who I am .. most of the time. I'm not bashing myself up or fishing for compliments, it's just something that occurred to me on Saturday and I thought I'd write a post about it. Also, it's October now so I really needed to post. I have only blogged 6 times this year, including this post. The shocking thing about that is while I'm completely surprised by my lack of interest in writing, I've also thoroughly enjoyed not having the self inflicted pressure to write. What I'm saying here is that no, I'm not giving up completely, but this sporadic and almost anonymous way of blogging suits me so much right now. But the fact that I had the desire to write today makes me realise that I want to continue, just quietly and only when the mood strikes.

I'm getting off the subject, so let's get back to Saturday. What happened to get me thinking? Well, for the first time since before the pandemic, I finally ventured into town to get my hair cut properly. Was my hair Rapunzel length and trailing behind me? Nope, I'd hassled Violet from time to time to slice off a few inches, which she has done and made a decent job of, but it was time to get it done properly as I've been feeling more than a little shabby lately.

The hairdresser I favour is a walk-in one, no appointment necessary though they are available. Of course on a Saturday it's going to be extra busy and I wasn't sure if I could get a cut. It suits me to just go and get it done when in the mood, rather than book it up and then feel anxious for weeks until the appointment rolls around.
Luckily for me, a booked in customer was running late, so one phonecall later and the lady who had greeted me as I walked in was available to give me a cut. What a stroke of luck.

The reason I let my hair grow long is because I don't enjoy the hairdressers. I love it once I've been, but sitting in front of a mirror and having to look at myself straight on is without doubt one of my least favourite things in the world. I might like who I am, but I can't say I like how I look. And what is it about the lighting and mirrors in hairdressers? I had make up on, and I'd taken time doing it, but the face reflected in the mirror was washed out and in bad need of some serious make up. And sleep. And a diet. But also, who was that person? Apparently it was me, but it did not look the way I look in my head.
Plus, being a woman of a certain age I had the hot flushes that at times send my washed out face looking beetroot pink. Urgh.
Trying to avoid looking at self as much as possible, I would either look down, around at all the goings on around me, or to the hairdresser as she chatted to me. And she was so lovely, so very lovely. Her face was beautifully made up and she looked gorgeous in the mirror, but it was the person inside that made me think what a truly sweet and bubbly person she was and how I wished I was more like her.
She told me about her family, her children, her husband, her planned holiday for June next year and why they had decided to go. She told me about her middle child who has had the most horrendous bullying at school from boys who suggested she 'shouldn't be here, and to do something about it', which really shocked me. I know girls are awful to each other at school, but hearing boys be so callous and heartless was awful. It was the only time her face clouded with sadness and I felt for her so much. I must have been there for only half an hour or so, and in that time I felt like the most dull and uninteresting person in the world. She was chatting and I would chat too, but my voice and conversation were so boring. I found myself wishing I was as bubbly and interesting as she. So towards the end I kind of clammed up. Staring at my horrible face in the mirror and feeling like a total failure in life.
We really shouldn't compare ourselves to anyone in any way, because we are all valid, and all unique, but there are times when you really can't help it.

Despite that temporary feeling of complete self doubt, the weekend was good. The car park barrier system wasn't working, which meant they couldn't charge anyone or shut the car park and so parking was free. Then, Violet suggested we should go out for lunch, so we ended up having an early lunch at the Butt & Oyster, which OG readers will know is our favourite place to eat. The weather was glorious, a little cloudy but sunny and warm enough to eat outside.

Bill and Violet had cod and chips, I had goats' cheese with sourdough and french fries. Deicious.

Something else I've failed at is updating You Tube. My plan of getting at least one video up for September didn't happen, but I still have the footage on my phone so will make sure I do that this week. I'm not seeing my Mum tomorrow, and other than getting out to do the weekly shop, plan to be home all week as I have things to do. I really want to sort out and declutter in the kitchen and in Violet's wardrobe. I've been good at not buying a whole ton of stuff for the kitchen, however, I have recently bought some dishes and mugs and a platter. There is room for all of these, but I'm sticking to my rule of when something new comes in, something old goes out so I'm going to work on that. Violet has had some new clothes, so I'm just going to charge in and throw out things that I know she hasn't worn for a long time. And same for me. It's time to ditch the old, patched up jeans I cling on to and wear as 'around the house jeans only' as I bought a new pair in M&S on Saturday.

I'm also wanting to do some reading. I've got several cookbooks that I want to read. A couple I've had for a while and barely looked at, this one is brand new and I've wanted it since I saw it was due to be released. It is beautiful and has some glorious recipes inside, I want to read it properly and choose something to make. This is high on my To Do list and I'm determined to prioritise it.

I've said that I have no crafting plans anymore, and I still agree with that statement. But every now and then I have the urge to do something a little creative. I saw a festive sewing kit and I wanted to buy it. Had no cash in my account at the time so had to wait, by which time it was sold out. So I rootled around in my stash of embroidery threads and pulled out all the colours that looked similar.

Last week I made a start. Had to google how to stitch the candy cane look as I have no idea, turns out it's so simple. A running stitch in white,then red thread is just wound through the stitches. So simple - I've explained it badly - but so effective. I could happily do nothing buy make candy cane looking shapes, it's so easy and so fun.

No idea if I will complete this little project, to be honest I'm not that bothered. I was in the mood to do some small and easy hand sewing, and right now this is very satisfying.

How are you, dear reader reading this? I hope life is treating you well and you are enjoying your days. Look out for the odd post here and there as we go into colder weather, it is coming up to my favourite time of year (even though it's still far too warm here at the moment), it'll probably give me inspiration to write more.