mid October

The world is such an awful place right now. Words fail me. As usual at times like this I have to avoid watching the news and scrolling Twitter, too graphic, too scary, too real.
At weekends Bill and Violet are visiting universities for her to consider starting next year. I stay home to look after Henry as they have had a few overnighters and there are more to come. I am so excited for her at the prospect of uni, it wasn't something that was an option for me, so I'm delighted at her having the chance to go. But when you see all the hideous things going on in the news it makes me feel so anxious about her effectively leaving home to study. But life has to go on, and we can't let fear dictate or it will overcome everything.
Earlier this week a video popped up on You Tube, it was by a young girl who has just started Oxford. Her name is Ruby Granger and I was curious to see how she found uni, her accommodation, and seeing it from a new students perspective. I'm really glad to have watched it, but I can't lie, it made me cry a bit too. It really hit home that Violet will be living away from home, and while it's what we'd always hoped for her, she is keen as you like to go to uni, and I am more than happy to help her soar and live her best life, from a selfish point of view I'm feeling quite sad about it too. Sad that she will no longer be here to irritate me and argue each day (I jest, but you know what I mean), and sad that the world is such an awful place to be out in on your own. The young girl in Oxford is so thrilled to be there, but the one thing that came across to me was how isolated she seemed. I get that it's probably more to do with not forcing other students to be in her vlogs, but everything she did, everywhere she went, she was alone. I worry about Violet feeling isolated and lonely. I shouldn't fret, I'm sure all will be well. I'm just in OTT Mum Worry Mode. Anyway, any parents of young adults poised to go off to uni, I highly recommend watching Ruby's early days of Oxford, it's so reassuring to see her happy and enjoying it. When I told Violet I'd been watching this particular girl, she laughed and said she'd been a subscriber to her channel for a while and had been watching her settle in at uni.

Talking of vlogs, I still haven't edited and put up a new one. I have not had the motivation and it seemed so pointless when seeing the news. But I need to take my own advice and carry on, so I will try to get it done this week. It's not even that interesting, but I would rather use the footage on the phone than delete it so I must do it.

While home alone with just the cat, I make sure to do nice things. First up is always cleaning the house, even though I'd given the house a good clean on Friday I still did it again. I cleaned the oven, stripped our bed and got the washing out on the line so it would be dry to put back on today, I had a fantastic plate of food to graze on (above) so I didn't have to cook very much through the day, and spent time watching films on TV and reading a festive magazine.

Got to be honest and say that when I ate the hot molten lava cheese on my grazing board I felt so full that I had to box up the rest of the food and put it in the fridge for much later. It was so yummy though, I will definitely get it again, but it's not clever to eat the entire thing by yourself! I was stuffed, so I took myself off for a quick stroll to help burn off the sluggish feeling left by the most delicious pot of melted cheese I've ever eaten. Will get it again, but not to eat alone.

It was my birthday last week. I've come to the conclusion that after so many birthdays I don't really care to celebrate them anymore. It's just not the same as you get older and I spent much of the day in a crappy mood though I can't explain why. Then awful thinngs in the world kicked off and I felt shamed that I'd been so miserable for no reason, and absolutely didn't feel like trying to celebrate at all.

I had some lovely pressies. And some of the brands that I shop with sent me discount codes or various offers. Most of them I've ignored, but I've taken up the discount code with one brand this week, which was timely and very much appreciated. And Dior said that they would send me a bd pressie, so on Friday I thought why not and ordered a new mascara as mine is nothing more than fumes right now. They offer free next day delivery, so my mascara arrived yesterday morning. You can select some samples with every purchase, so I requested a tester of lip gloss, a foundation that I wanted to try, and they sent a fragrance sample too. The bd gift is adorable. Two mini lipsticks in the red that I already wear, and a nude that I was curious to try out. It also came with a very lovely pocket mirror. That was a very nice thing to get in the post.

Today I am going to sort out the airing cupboard and try to thin it out even more. Even though it has less than half of what it used to have, it still feels too full and looks untidy, I know I can get rid of some more things. Bill and I are planning a trip to the dump soon as we haven't been for a while and I want to thin out things in the garage more too. The garage looks very spacious, there is no longer a little car in there. We sold it just this week. Bill didn't use it very much and Violet is loving her driving lessons and wants a car of her own. So we've done the obvious thing. The money from the little car will go towards buying Violet a car. She has a good idea of what she wants, so when she's had more lessons and is really getting on with things like taking the theory test then it will be time for her to have her own vehicle to practice in. Honestly. Feels like just a few weeks ago she a baby I took out in her pram, cosy under the rain cover "reading" her Fifi & The Flowertots comic', now she's looking at uni and learning to drive.

In other news, I now have three framed recent New Yorker editions. I've one more frame left and hope that in the next few weeks I find another edition that I like enough to add to the collection. I want to say 'then that'll be it'. But. I can't promise that. I love seeing them framed on the wall, knowing that they are complete magazines sitting like time capsules to be rediscovered in years to come. So I'll just say that that will be it ... for now!